That sounds a bit harsh maybe, but may be you are where I’ve been lately and you need a big WAKE UP nudge. Luckily I had my epiphany this week so felt I needed to share in case this helps you. Life has provided me with some challenges lately which it handed to me on a big shovel and said “go on then, put your money where your mouth is…”
It was tough. Without going into the detail of all the different things I felt I had ‘lost’ in one go I decided to let it define me. So I lost me too. That is the harshest experience for us humans, if we go through tough times we can find resilience and magic and come out the other side but sometimes we get caught up in all the negative thoughts and dramas of life and believe that they are true. This is when we then choose Fear over Love.
So I started waking up in the mornings with a feeling of dread, the world seemed so doomed. I was stressed easily, I felt angry most of the time and I was crying lots and in my warped alternative reality everyone was happier and better than me. What made it worse for me was knowing I knew better as I teach others in mindfulness and self care so I knew I was caught in the dramas …but this then neatly confirmed I was a failure. The power of the doubting voice?! This was my call for love. So then my final crack in my heart was the decision I wasn’t going to write again!
…WTF???? I don’t think so!
Luckily I do know better. The writing abyss was motivation alone to get me back to myself. So I have been downloading and reading some of the greatest and the newest in my field to help me find my way. Then the biggest shift that has planted my feet back on safe ground is the simple realisation that I had fallen out of love with me.
You know that person that you really don’t like as you feel they may have wronged you in some way? Could be at work, an ex or a family member….and anything they do seems to be an attack or irritation. This is you shutting your heart out to them and not loving them, which actually hurts you too. Forgiveness is a huge topic that I am not going to go on about now but to be honest Nelson Mandela coins it
“Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies”
Well that enemy had been me, it was me I had closed my heart to and it was me I had started to blame and resent. So the poison was particularly potent.
As soon as I realised this I cried (again!!) at how horrible I had been to myself, I apologised and I forgave myself and will continue to do so daily as this is important self care. The daily self care routine is back on! Back to my inner sassy 4 year old 😀
Mr Mandela also must have wanted to tell me something too as I googled the correct wording for his quote above and this one came up which I haven’t noticed before;
“Do not judge me by my successes,
judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.”
Ok, well I’m up again life. Standing tall, full of love and ready for the magic. I’m back ❤️