19 months ago I had the pleasure of meeting an idol, Robert Holden and was completely awestruck and actually made a bit of an idiot of myself – if he wasn’t such a lovely man he would have definitely called security!
Last night I met him again. This time however, even though he is super famous in my field and still so utterly marvellous, I felt completely confident and grounded enough to speak to him like a fellow human being!!
I felt so different. The awareness of how different I felt was quite stark and therefore emotional for me as I have had such a time of immense learning and growth. Now I am completely “me” …what is the main difference? Well that’s easy, I am present.
19 months ago I hadn’t learnt mindfulness or mind calm and was living in an imaginary projection of a world of hope (and fear) whilst battling with unhealed wounds of the past. Neither option let me be present as I didn’t want to admit to myself the pain I was in, in that moment.
Beautifully this angel, Robert Holden, was gently waiting in the wings until last night where he inadvertently held a mirror of my journey. Through Robert’s evening of incredible, very real, vulnerable and yet spectacular wisdom I also got beautiful clarity of a signpost to my next step.
It simply said “Vicky, it’s ok to need”. Phew, such a relief. Unbelievably so. The drive of being a single parent, self employed and romantically single is one of independence. It does serve well and has got me to a place I am proud of as I have re-built “me”. But with that independence the self-protection is naturally woven like a spiders web after a painful break up or divorce and is also just as invisible until you get that little bit of sunshine that shows your web of separateness.
We are all in this together. This thing called life is tricky, but so many loving souls want to help us along the way. So Roberts message is to ask yourself what is your wisdom of independence? Interdependence is a beautiful thing that is made of the ‘love’ stuff.
Wouldn’t that be more aspirational?
So today I’m opening up. Confidently knowing who I am I can now wipe away my web of protection (eek!) and I am ready to say to the universe “I am here”.