Monthly Archives: November 2015

Ask yourself how you are doing

 

Derek Mills is an amazing man with a IMG_1274wonderful story of being at rock bottom in his life and turning it completely around by creating his daily standards. He really inspired me when I was privileged enough to attend one of his workshops … and most importantly is just such a lovely genuine guy!!! His book is 10 Second Philosophy is definitely one of my all-time favourites. Recently he was interviewed in Psychologies Magazine and he posted the article attached on his facebook page encouraging others to ask themselves the same questions. So I am passing this on to you. I have my answers below and I found it really poignant and healthy to do a stock check of where I am in my life. I then did it with my son which I will publish next – it’s a must read!

Please write what you find you gain from asking yourself these questions in the comments box below, I’d love to know.

Who is your biggest inspiration?

My son. His innocence, mistakes, wisdom and his awe of life are so inspirational. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes being a parent, and especially a single parent, is such hard work. It is so daunting and scary as you desperately want to do the right thing and their behaviour is so alien to you and so fragile and unscripted that you just don’t have any preparation for it…. it is these moments that he inspires me the most. In these moments he teaches me that love is unconditional and that both of us are allowed to make mistakes.

What have you learnt about yourself as you’ve got older?

That I’m absolutely OK just the way I am. I appreciate everything I have now rather than the opposite way I used to be which was believing I needed to be a perfect someone in the future and needed to change me. Perfection is an illusion that doesn’t exist so you are putting off living a happy life. I like my traits now and the more I like them the more I attract the people into my life that like me just as I am. And those that don’t get me (and I may not get them) seem to just not be around so much anymore or don’t stick around.

If you had to give one piece of life-changing advice what would it be?

To be aware, and connected to, your true Self in this precious moment. Our ‘being human’ defaults to spending our lives with our head spinning in stories of the past or fretting over fictional worries of the future, making us feel bad and disconnected to who we really are. Awareness of the current present moment, and realising everything is just fine, is so freeing.  By learning tools like easy meditation techniques such as Mind Calm it can really make a big difference.

How do you make a good decision?

Well now I am very led by my ‘gut instinct’. I believe that tapping into this there is a different type of wisdom/intuition that flows and by using this it is the only way we can flow in the river of life rather than battle against the tide by making decisions with our very limited left brain and logical thinking.

For me the decisions I have made through logic haven’t brought me sustainable happiness and have slowed down my personal growth. If I take a plunge and go with my gut instinct/intuition (despite it being usually a scary prospect) it is so much more rewarding – even if the lesson is a tough one. If it’s a tough lesson it is more like one wax strip removing hair than before it was more of a full and slow body wax!! My life just flows at a much quicker pace, rather than treading treacle like before, and feels exciting and just the way it should be.

If you weren’t you who would you be?

I was struggling with this one because when I think of all the inspirational greats I also think of all their life battles and couldn’t seem to find that one person….and then I sat down with my son to go through these questions. So I choose him. He has such lovely traits, a great life and has such a huge exciting blank canvass of a world of limitless possibilities to paint with such colour into whatever he wants it to be…I am so excited for him that it overwhelms me!

Optimist or pessimist?

An extreme optimist to annoying proportions! But saying that I have recently gained a massive armoury of realism in my tool belt too which is no bad thing.

What is the key to a happy life?

Ooo I like that question. In addition to what I mentioned earlier; appreciating what you have in this moment, always be present and your true Self …..it would definitely be to believe in love and that it really does conquer everything. Not just romantic love I’m talking bigger picture -if everyone was at peace with themselves and understood how to turn fear, jealousy, hatred etc into love, peace and calm (like Derek Mills)- they’d then attract those who aspired to be as happy and so would naturally gain this positive approach and so the ripple effect continues and then hey…guess what – I definitely think world peace would be on the cards!!

A Trip in Dr Who’s Tardis and I find my Web

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19 months ago I had the pleasure of meeting an idol, Robert Holden and was completely awestruck and actually made a bit of an idiot of myself – if he wasn’t such a lovely man he would have definitely called security!

Last night I met him again. This time however, even though he is super famous in my field and still so utterly marvellous, I felt completely confident and grounded enough to speak to him like a fellow human being!!

I felt so different. The awareness of how different I felt was quite stark and therefore emotional for me as I have had such a time of immense learning and growth. Now I am completely “me” …what is the main difference? Well that’s easy, I am present.

19 months ago I hadn’t learnt mindfulness or mind calm and was living in an imaginary projection of a world of hope (and fear) whilst battling with unhealed wounds of the past. Neither option let me be present as I didn’t want to admit to myself the pain I was in, in that moment.

Beautifully this angel, Robert Holden, was gently waiting in the wings until last night where he inadvertently held a mirror of my journey. Through Robert’s evening of incredible, very real, vulnerable and yet spectacular wisdom I also got beautiful clarity of a signpost to my next step.

It simply said “Vicky, it’s ok to need”. Phew, such a relief. Unbelievably so. The drive of being a single parent, self employed and romantically single is one of independence. It does serve well and has got me to a place I am proud of as I have re-built “me”. But with that independence the self-protection is naturally woven like a spiders web after a painful break up or divorce and is also just as invisible until you get that little bit of sunshine that shows your web of separateness.

We are all in this together. This thing called life is tricky, but so many loving souls want to help us along the way. So Roberts message is to ask yourself what is your wisdom of independence? Interdependence is a beautiful thing that is made of the ‘love’ stuff.

Wouldn’t that be more aspirational?

So today I’m opening up. Confidently knowing who I am I can now wipe away my web of protection (eek!) and I am ready to say to the universe “I am here”.

Love, Love, Love

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Love binds our stardust.

Love is the antidote
to pain, anguish and fear.

It’s about choosing love,
the less tangible,
but most emotive
and unconditional.

Love never disappears,
Love never leaves us,
We just forget now and then.
To Love.

But it’s always there
Gentle reminders everywhere.

A stranger, A butterfly, A book

So if you forget to love,
Simply remember to look.

It’s patiently waiting for you
to notice and remember.
And to be Love.
It’s the magic of life.

Namaste x